JAIL YOUR POOR TIRED AND HUDDLED MASSES

"Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,I lift my lamp beside the golden door...." 

And welcome to your brand new room in Canada's first class prisons!  Free clothes, room and board.  No worries! No waits!  And absolutely no rights!  

With crime rates falling, some skeptics have questioned why Canada would want to force the Provinces to invest in brand spanking new jails.  Who is it exactly that we are intending to put there?

Wonder no longer folks, as the experts at Freedom 85 give you the answer.  Two more clues were revealed this past week with the Conservative government's forward thinking new Budget.   Government announced plans to raise the year of "retirement" (aka eligibility for Old Age Pension Benefits) to 67 from the present 65. While this news does not affect the senior thinkers at Freedom 85, we see this move for what it is-  a trojan horse for a larger, more lucrative scheme.

  

The second clue came with the cuts to the CFIA, effectively removing Government from their responsibilities to ensure that food labelling is not inventive, dishonest or misleading.  The Conservatives decreed that industry is better suited to police itself.  

    

At Freedom 85, we smell the doo-doo a block away.  Moving the bar from 65 to 67 is a red herring, unless you are part of the super rich 1%, you will be working as long as your body and mind can hold out.  Simply you will not be able to afford not to work. 67 is still an unrealistic target for "retirement" for most Canadians.

But how does the second clue fit in?  With no regulations on labels, consumers will find it harder to know basic facts like Better Before dates.   They will have no clue what is in their food.  No one will even talk about GMO's, because talking about them will be outlawed.  Why is this important you may ask?  

In the next 20 years, we are facing two major challenges. How do we feed everyone?
And where do we house all the masses, (tired and otherwise) who cannot afford housing.  Freedom 85 has seen the future, and the future is now.  We see through the smoke and mirrors so you can sit back and mock albinos.  Today we can reveal just what your Government is not telling you.

First, Canada's Country Club Prisons® are needed to house our poor, tired and aging huddled masses when they can no longer find adequate housing and end up on the street.  Angry Gen X'ers will insist that governments of the future find a "Permanent Solution®" to the presence of unsightly poor and homeless seniors. 


Especially pernicious will be the many aging deaf punks with walkers, covered in tattoos and suffering from the ill effects of excessive drug usage and loss of hearing from years of sticking their heads in the bass bins at punk shows.

"Out of sight, out of mind®" will be the new rule.  Get them off the street will be the rallying cry.  We should be doing them a favor and provide them with a place to live.  And  what would be a better use for  all these prisons that are still empty from that old Harper 
Conservative government. Why not use them?  


And so Prime Minister Ben Mulroney will enact the OLD AGE PRISON BENEFITS® program.  

Seniors will be eligible for relocation to one of Canada's premiere prison destinations, which for many years have been called country clubs anyway.  They will be given four walls, 3 squares and a home for life.

Unfortunately, Prime Minister Mulroney will discover that his OLD AGE PRISON BENEFITS® program will prove too successful.  Soon Canada's country club prisons will not only be overflowing with drool and Depends®, but will start looking like a retirement option for Americans.

Remember the words "Out of sight, out of mind, but still a good protein source®"?  Yes, the solution will become apparent when Prime Minster Ben Mulroney discovers the secret lost papers of Stephen Harper.  He will be shocked to find that the seer Harper foresaw all this  back in  2012.  

Mercy will prevail, and the electorate will cheer when many of these demented, demanding and brain damaged seniors will find themselves eligible for benefits of the BETTER BEFORE ACT® of 2022.   Anyone caught associating on social media speaking of how life was Better Before® will be eligible for PERMANENT PROTEIN REALLOCATION®.

Do we really need to describe this to you? The burden of proof will be in the pudding. so  to speak.  Food labels will list protein percentages, but will not be required by law to spell out exactly what the source(s) or protein are. 


Consumers will demand ORGANIC PROTEIN PARTS® (OPP®) with every meal.  SUGARED POPS®,  GRANNY'S GOODNESS®,  and CELEBRITY CHEWS®  will be the rage. And we will all praise the visionary genius Stephen Harper, who so many years ago  prepared Canada for a Brave New World.